First, unless the chef brought something in from his house, violating any number of health code regulations, it is not “homemade”. Best case scenario is that you intended to write “House Made”, which would at least be accurate, if not similarly annoying.

When I am on the diner’s side of the restaurant experience, I size up the establishment and make some assumptions about what menu items I expect to be made in house, and what ingredients I assume are purchased. And just because everything isn’t made from scratch and in house doesn’t mean that the food can’t be of superior quality. For example, while I know that Chipotle has its “Food With Integrity” and “Gold Ingredients”, I also know for a fact that they don’t hand-make all their tortillas. They do, however, fry their own chips fresh daily. The menu simply reads “Chips”. Notice the lack of the descriptor “house made” or “homemade” in front of the word “chips”. How could you possibly know they make their own chips if they don’t tell you?

Chipotle doesn’t need to tell you that they make their own chips. Now, from time to time Chipotle will tell you that they make their own chips fresh daily, and in some of their marketing materials, they do. However, it isn’t plastered on their menu forcing you to read it every time you scan the menu. You KNOW Chiptole will serve you fresh chips, because Chipotle makes everything fresh. Why would you expect that they’d call the chips “House Made” on the menu, when the carnitas, barbacoa, steak, and chicken do not have that descriptor (nor do the salsas for that matter)? As a diner, you know that all these things are freshly made on premises. You know that because you know the Chipotle has a commitment to quality. They demonstrate a commitment to quality on a daily basis, and that means far more than some ridiculous marketing buzz word tacked onto the menu.

When I eat somewhere and see some menu item (e.g. chips, salsas, vinaigrettes) singled out as “house made” (or, worse, “homemade”), I immediately wonder what isn’t made in house. It doesn’t give me warm fuzzies as I’m sure it was intended to do. It does quite the opposite. I ask myself, “If the restaurant feels the need to tell me that this one item is, in fact, made in house, does that mean most of the other things aren’t?”

Reading that word makes me feel like I’ve been attacked by your archetypal, sleezy used car salesman. The restaurant has gone out of its way to tell me how wonderful it is before I’ve even had a bite. They’ve forced me to read their self-praise as a condition of having read the menu. I need to take a shower just thinking about it.

I believe that menus should describe the food, and that the food should speak for itself regarding its artisan qualities. The customers should know that items were made fresh on premises because it should taste that way. If you have to tell them, you’ve already lost the battle anyway. If you’ve told them the item is made in house and it doesn’t taste that way, then you’ve lost the war.

If you’re writing a menu and you insist on telling your customers that you make things in house – again, in a feeble attempt to dissuade you, I reiterate that I’m strongly opposed to doing so – then write a statement or manifesto about how amazing you are somewhere your customers will see it: on the menu, on the wall, on an insert in the menu, on a plaque over the mens’ room urinals, or wherever. Slightly more annoying, but less annoying than alerting your customers to particular menu items, you can have your servers give a song and dance about how wonderful you are at the beginning of the meal.

Customers never like hearing how wonderful you are; customers like you to show them how wonderful you are by how you make them feel, and by how the food tastes. If you focus on serving your customers the highest quality food you can and you treat them well, then you won’t have to tell them, because they’ll know. You won’t even have to tell them that certain items are “homemade”, because they wouldn’t expect anything less.

(NOTE: I chose to use Chipotle as an example because I think Chipotle is a fantastic example of a restaurant with a national presence that has a commitment to quality. My use of Chipotle as an example does not imply any association between me and Chipotle.)

First, the three of you all sat at a single table, and I comped one of your meals, so I guess you gave Relate a one-star review for each of the 3 meals for which you paid. I await with eager anticipation the last of you to create a Yelp account with the sole purpose of giving Relate a one-star review. Do us all a favor, though. When you do post that fourth review, please write something different than the other three, or at least try to make it interesting reading material. Maybe write a short sonnet or a bedtime story….I mean, it doesn’t really matter what you write, because you’re going to give it a one-star rating, and we all know what your complaint is already.

Second, upon your arrival, but never before, you informed us that one of you had an issue with dairy. It’s pretty clear on the website that we will do everything we can to accommodate dietary constraints, but can’t guarantee that we will be able to accommodate restrictions if you inform us when you arrive. However, because we couldn’t make artful substitutions away from dairy that night, I simply comped your meal because I didn’t want you to hold your rude behavior against me. (Given your behavior since, It looks like I had you pegged correctly at the restaurant: you’re the type of person who would have faulted me for your inability to inform a restaurant with a prix fixe menu that you need consideration for a specific dietary restriction.)

The wait time: Yes, you were seated after your reservation, because you refused the available seating, which was outside. We called every guest, including you, and told them that some of the seating was outside, but that we had done everything in our power to ensure that outside would be comfortable. Some people said outside would be fine (some people requested outside), but then refused to sit outside upon arrival and said they’d wait for an inside table. You were offered a table outside immediately, but said you would wait for an inside table. I’m sorry that you chose to wait for an inside table, which caused you to wait past your reservation time. Outside was, by the way, quite warm. Not only have I purchased 4 patio heaters, but I rented in an additional 3 for that night, and there are 3 built-in perimeter heaters on the patio. That’s a total of 10 heaters in approximately 200 square feet of space. If I put all the heaters on full blast, you’d have been sweating. You say I didn’t give any thought to the experience, but the number of heaters on the patio beg to differ. As a side note: I checked in with every guest seated outside personally, and none of them thought it was cold or unpleasant.

You fault me for the ambiance: What’s almost comical is that you criticize me for the wait time, but then complain that there are no linens. Because one of you is “a private chef” who cooks “around the world” I assume that you all understand the logistics of table linens. You’d have waited an additional 30 to 40 minutes for your table if we put down tablecloths. (Add a few minutes for each table that left because we’d have to change out the linens.) You are correct, there is no speaker system at the restaurant (which I do not own), which makes it hard to play music. I know, you’re going to say “buy an iPod player” or “have live music”. I’m not going to break the law: I have no way to track the music my iPod would play, and, thus, can’t possibly pay the royalties I’d owe for having played the music publicly. I’m not permitted by the local government to have live music (yes, this requires special permitting), and my insurance policy doesn’t allow me to have live music either. Yes, we didn’t have flowers. I didn’t see the need to pass that cost on to my guests.

The price: just about every restaurant charges a surcharge for Valentine’s Day menu. I’ve read many articles about “price gouging” on Valentine’s Day. (As an economist, I disagree with the term “price gouging”, but that’s another discussion for another day.) Let me tell you something about Relate: We decided to be open on Valentine’s Day (huge mistake), and we decided that we’d charge the same price as every other night – to the pleasant surprise of many people who called and asked, “So you’re charging your normal prices on Valentine’s Day?” This week is a 6-day work week for my staff. That means that EVERY employee was paid 1.5x their standard wages for that night, and I rented in 3 additional heaters on top of that. I had dramatically higher costs on Valentine’s Day, but we opened for business and didn’t charge a surcharge. Pop-ups are supposed to be about the food, and I felt that I owed it to my guests to maintain the same price even though it was Valentine’s Day and I had significantly higher costs. So, on top of that, you wanted me to have flowers and linens?

I do stay up nights thinking about the food and what I can do to make the dining experience at Relate the best it can possibly be for each of my guests. I know that we sometimes miss the mark for some of our guests, and I do everything in my power to make it right when that happens. I then try to correct our mistakes so that they don’t happen again in the future. I respect your right to voice your opinion on Yelp or any site you’d like, but it’s truly poor behavior on your part to create 3 accounts to write 3 bad reviews about a single experience.

I actually received the following email from someone who read your reviews:

I wanted to send a quick note to thank you for making our Valentine’s Day a special experience. I read the reviews you’ve received and I disagree with most of them. We thought the food was wonderful. The redrock fish dish was amazing.

Our server was a top notch professional. She took the time to explain the menu and the different wine pairings. She was attentive and made us feel special.

Yes, there were a few kinks, which is to be expected with the pop-up concept, but overall, it was a great evening. We are hoping to return at least one more time to sample a different menu.

I have received other such statements via email, blog posts, forum discussions, and in oral comments from guests. While I understand that you didn’t have a good experience (and it breaks my heart that you didn’t), it’s truly unfair to write three separate reviews about a single experience in order to make my restaurant look like less than it is. That’s just malicious, and I certainly didn’t ruin your Valentine’s Day with malice aforethought.

TO EVERYONE REGARDING YELP:

These three people were able to write 1-star reviews with newly created accounts, and the reviews have not been filtered. Others who created accounts to write positive reviews have had their reviews filtered. Apparently, Yelp believes that someone can have an experience bad enough to compel them to create an account to write a bad review, but a restaurant couldn’t possibly do so well for a guest that they would be compelled to create an account to write a good review. Or, as with one of my filtered 5-star reviews, the person couldn’t see all the bad reviews, think to themselves, “Wow, that doesn’t reflect my experience and I think what’s being said is unfair” and then create an account to write a positive review.

I used to Yelp quite a bit, until I went to a Yelp event and met the “Elite” yelpers. I stopped yelping after that. I said it then, and re-iterate now: The best argument against Yelp is a 5-minute conversation with the average yelper.

For more great recipes using Nature’s Agave premium agave products, vist http://www.naturesagave.com

Ingredients:

• 15 oz Pumpkin Puree
• ½ Cup Nature’s Agave Raw Agave Nectar
• 1 ½ Cups Heavy Cream
• 1 tsp Ground Saigon Cinnamon
• ½ tsp Ground Ginger
• ½ tsp Ground Cloves
• 3 Eggs
• 9-Inch Pie Crust

Directions:

1. Mix Pumpkin, Cream, Agave, and Spices in a microwave safe bowl. Heat pumpkin mixture on high for 3 to 4 minutes, or until steaming hot, stirring in 30 second intervals.
2. Lightly beat eggs. Using a spoon, drop one spoon at a time of the pumpkin mixture into the eggs while whisking, until you have incorporated approximately one-third of the pumpkin mixture.
3. Pour egg and pumpkin mixture back into the pumpkin mixture, and whisk to combine.
4. Pour the combined mixture into cold pie crust, and put the pie immediately into a 425⁰F oven for 10 mintues. After 10 minutes, reduce the temperature to 350⁰F for approximately 30 to 40 minutes, until the center of the pie does not wiggle when shaken, or a knife comes out clean when inserted in the center of the pie.

Notes:

1. The RelationChef’s expert tip: Use a thin metal pie tin for your pie. Put two thick pizza stones in your oven, one on the top rack and one on the bottom rack. Preheat your oven to 500⁰F for at least 30 minutes. Turn the oven down to 300⁰F and immediately place the unbaked pie directly on the stone. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes, until the center of the pie does not wiggle when shaken, or a knife comes out clean when inserted in the center of the pie.)
2. You may substitute milk for the cream. To do this, bring the milk to scalding point, remove the skin that forms on the milk, and pour the scalded milk into the pumpkin, spices, and agave. Proceed from Step 1. This will lower the fat, but increase the carbs in this recipe.

Businesses and advertisers have known for years that the playing to your sense of smell can influence your purchasing decisions: Cinnabon has been known to pump exhaust from its kitchens into areas where people will smell the exhaust and come in search of gooey cinnamon-y goodness; retail stores are known to position people with bottles of perfume/cologne to occasionally spray some into the air in hopes that shoppers walking by will be influenced to purchase perfume/cologne; recently, in North Carolina, a billboard advertising a steak house was designed to actually pump steak smell around in hopes of enticing passersby to crave a steak.

Believe it or not, you can actually use the sense of smell to your advantage too.

Before I go into how, I want to address a criticism that I’m going to get right off the bat: I am not advocating manipulating people. When you invite a date over to your home for a meal, you’re not going to set the thermostat at 100, nor are you going to set it at 32. You’re going to make your date feel comfortable. That’s all I’m talking about here. In healthy, loving relationships, we do things for the other person that make them more comfortable, happier, or that bring them pleasure. It’s a nice thing to do; It’s not manipulative.

This is about making someone comfortable using their sense of smell. In order to do that, you have to, first, really care about that person, and understand what smells will evoke positive memories, and which will evoke negative memories. In other words, a pre-requisite to being able to “manipulate” someone by playing to their positive memories with their sense of smell, you have to fist know/understand that person well enough to know (or have a very well educated guess) what smells will subconsciously put that person at ease.

There are, however, dangers involved with trying to use someone’s sense of smell to evoke memories: specifically, you can just as easily evoke a negative memory as a positive one. The good news is that evoking a negative memory probably will not cause your date to storm out, the “bad” news is that evoking a good memory probably will not cause your date to jump you and demand sex, nor will it cause your date to fall in love with you. It’s far more subtle than that, and you’ve got to have a whole host of other things right first in order for playing to their sense of smell to have much benefit at all.

Presumably, if the person is at your house for a meal, you’ve already fulfilled many (if not all) of the prerequisites for playing to their sense of smell to have some benefit.

Have you ever been out to dinner with someone and that person said something along the lines of this to you: “Oh, I love the smell of [insert smell here]! It reminds me of when I was a little girl [boy] and we used to….” Or perhaps you cooked together for a special date and made something that had a distinct smell, and that night ended particularly well?

If you are observant, listen to your significant other, and care enough to remember things you observe or hear, then here’s a specific instance where that will pay off.

Cook for your significant other, and make sure to use plenty of whatever ingredient it is that will make the room smell of your significant other’s memory evoking smell. Don’t ruin the dish by putting too much of an ingredient in just for the sake of the smell…that’s a no-no. You might have to boil some separately in a pot of water that you don’t intend to be a part of the meal in order to get the smell meandering about the kitchen and dining room, and that is ok.

As I mentioned, the effect is quite subtle, because it deals with the person’s subconscious. It can help to put the other person at ease, or make them more comfortable. It can make the person happier, or put them in a better mood. If it’s a smell that reminds your significant other how amazing you are (e.g. it’s a distinct smell from a special meal you’ve made in the past), it might just help to put them in “the mood.”

Using smells to your advantage will not, by itself, win you anything. It can, however, be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Give it a try sometime. It can’t hurt, right?

If you liked what you read here, follow me on Twitter to get to know me a bit: @ChefDRM

***Please watch the video to see Chef Dan demonstrate how to cook the scallops and spinach. The recipe for the Mango Cherry Relish follows.***

**SERVES 4**

Scallops:

• 1 lb. Scallops

Spinach:

• 12 oz Spinach, de-stemmed

Mango Cherry Relish:

• 1 Cup Cherries, pitted and halved
• 1 Mango, diced
• 1/2 Cup Blackberries, halved
• 3 medium Strawberries, hulled
• 1 Tablespoon Dijon Mustard
• 2 Tablespoons Nature’s Agave Amber Agave Syrup
• 1 teaspoon grated Fresh Ginger
• 1 Tablespoon Fresh Tarragon Leaves

::DIRECTIONS::

For Scallops & Spinach:

1. Please watch the video on this post.

For Mango Cherry Relish:

1. In a blender or food processor, Combine Strawberries, Mustard, Agave, Ginger, and Tarragon and blend until smooth.
2. Stir in remaining ingredients.
3. Allow flavors to meld for at least 30 minutes at room temperature before serving.

Ingredients:

• 12 oz 72% Dark Chocolate
• 6 oz Butter (1 1/2 sticks)
• 1 Tablespoon Vanilla Extract
• 1 teaspoon Salt
• 4 eggs
• 1 Cup Sugar (7.5 oz)
• 3/4 Cup Sifted Flour (3 oz)
• 1 teaspoon Salt

Directions:

1. Melt chocolate with the butter, vanilla, and salt in a double boiler. Reserve warm.
2. Whip eggs with sugar in a mixer for 5 minutes. (You may mix longer, but not shorter.)
3. Pour warm chocolate mixture into whipped eggs and stir together.
4. Gently stir in the flour.
5. Pour into prepared cupcake molds until 3/4 full and bake in a 350 degree oven for 20-25 minutes, or until wooden toothpick inserted into the center comes out with fudgey bits attached.

Notes:

1. You may add 1/8 cup of your favorite liqueur in with the chocolate mixture for a little added flavor.